In the past five days two close family acquaintances passed away due to cancer. It’s sobering, and it got me thinking about a phrase I heard this weekend on a TV movie. “No one ever laid on their deathbed and wished they had spent more time at work”.
That phrase has almost replaced “Carpe Diem” as the motto for this generation on “how to live a happy life”. The very fact that people think about that when facing their mortality must show the importance of that question in people’s lives.
But I think there is something fundamentally wrong with that motto as a blanket statement for all folks. The creed almost implies “work is fundamentally evil” and the less you do of it, the more you will enjoy life.
After having triple bypass surgery, a friend of mine told me that he had an epiphany that “no man ever laid on his deathbed wishing he had spent more time working”, and that he vowed not to work so hard in the future. It was almost verbatim from the movie!
Work less. Be happier? Shouldn’t some folks say, “I wish I had spent MORE time at work”?
Back to my friend who had the surgery. I thought about his life. His saying the deathbed motto was ludicrous. He’d worked half-heartedly all his career and enjoyed the heck out of his life, but at the expense of his wife and kids. She had worked herself to exhaustion providing for the family and covering for his indulgences and lack of employment. Now he faced the possibility of leaving behind a wife and 4 kids with a huge mortgage, two car payments, no life or medical insurance, no cash savings, no retirement account, stacks of unpaid bills, and a ton of credit card debt … what then? Obviously, that happens to good, hard working people, but what about those that work half-heartedly like my friend. And, heck, I’ve heard guys like this piously say, We just need to trust God. He’ll provide for us in these trying times.
What’s the right balance between work and play, work and family, work and friends, work and rest?
I think my nephew Andrew hit it on the head when he explained how he tackled his summer classes/vacation in England: ”I worked harder than all the students (and made better grades) and I played harder than all the students!” And the greatest thing my niece Annie has in all her success in soccer, is that she just seems to have fun … I think lots of sports stars perform great, but have forgotten how to have “fun”.
Give your best to your job and give your best to God, your family, friends, and others … and you shouldn’t have many regrets on your deathbed. “Work Hard! Play Hard!”
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Regrets, John Wood
This letter and the article about John Wood combine to illustrate the tension that I feel. I am encouraged by the article about John Wood. I particularly like his entrepreneurial approach. When I hear about John Wood, Bill Gates, Oprah, Bono, Dikembe Mutumbo,etc. I find myself thinking, "I’d do that too if I had that kind of wealth." This thinking is not only contrary to Scripture, but it is really an excuse for inaction. I do feel the tension between "doing something that matters" and providing for my own family.
Tension
Thanks for your honest expression of this tension. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. In fact, it almost seems like these tensions (different from stress) are safeguards. Sometimes I wonder if a synonym for faith is tension. It’s the tension that keeps me trusting God, and turning away from just trusting myself. Formulas, programs, pat answers are all designed to do away with tension…and perhaps faith.
The apostle Paul expressed this tension in Romans 15 when he discusses the interplay of what he is called to do, colored by his ambition and desires of how to express it, and his obligations to others (in his case the family in Jerusalem).
So we trust God, beginning where we are and with what we have at hand.
I spent a lot of years trying to make a difference and ended up neglecting my own family. Now I am overwhelmed at the privilege and joy of taking care of my own in a way that I don’t think I could have appreciated before.
Thanks for the reminder.
Great post, David. Based on what the Scriptures teach, work is service. Service is the expression of love. Jesus said that those who serve are the "greatest" in his kingdom. So when we work hard, we’re fulfilling his command to love our neighbor. I’m also moved by what Jesus said about his own work: "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." He THRIVED on his work.
God created us to work. He created us in his image (while he was at work). So working is part of our purpose in life.
For me the issue is not spending less time at work and more time at home, but being fully present wherever I am.
Working from home on my smart phone, checking email while the kids are in the tub… this is not a healthy thing for me.
Thanks for a great post Dan. Your friend is a symbol of our culture. As someone who has spent some time re-learning that God makes the life and we’re to go live it, I can say the battle is intense for identity. Not to mention our legacy.
It’s not an either or equation. God made us to "work hard/play hard." But not at the expense of our identity, which is supposed to be rooted in how Jesus lived.
I write not in judgement. Our Father pulled me away from the fire just in time 4 years ago. I’m still learning how to live "differently." But even with the trips, missteps, failures and joy, I know I’m supposed to walk in the way of Colossians 3:23-24.
Great post David! Figuratively speaking, we are all at this very moment on our "death beds" and must at some point take responsibility for the choices we make.
I hope and pray every day for the strength and wisdom to eliminate the "I wish I would have" moments from my life.