In the spirit of Al Lunsford’s call to Write What You Mean, consider this from the August 11, 2008 AdAge:

You might be surprised what online Americans do — or don’t — want to do on their phones,” writes Mike Vorhaus of Frank N. Magid Associates. “While 84% of respondents ages 12 to 64 said they own a cellphone or comparable mobile device, a plurality — 35% — do not care whether they have a smaller phone with fewer features or a bigger phone with more features. In fact, 31% prefer a small phone, and only 19% prefer a larger phone.

Apparently Magid asked consumers about 26 wireless activities:

“Almost half of all wireless owners are not interested in using any of their cellphones’ advanced data applications”

“…only 27% of the respondents indicated a regular interest in texting”

“…only 20% indicated a regular interest in checking e-mail or accessing the internet on their cellphones”

And so on…

All of which is useless data because it’s presented in a way that defies analysis. Why would anyone possibly care what 35% of 84% of an unknown number of respondents, aged 12 – 64, said about their cellphones? Is Mr. Vorhaus suggesting the preferences and habits of 64 year-old cellphone users are like those of 12 year-olds?

The bar chart above accompanied the piece, giving the impression the writer may actually have said something when he concluded, “Clearly consumers love to talk on their phones, but they are coming to text messaging and other data applications slowly.”

There’s nothing clear about that assertion at all — at least not in this useless data.

Honestly…We have to do better than this if we expect to be taken seriously.