People also want these companies to be authentic in these matters. There is a strong ability to detect BS. Folks know when the “we care for people and we are all about doing good” is a crafted PR and marketing strategy. And every company will face moments that reveal its true character. So it’s refreshing and inspiring to run across the following story about the Ritz-Carlton, a company that I’ve long admired. The following is an excerpt printed in Business-Week on the recently released book by Joseph A. Michelli, The New Gold Standard.

Enjoy the excerpt. Then read the book!

Ritz-Carlton General Manager Tony Mira describes the Ritz-Carlton experience as “a Wow experience, like no other. It’s one that you walk in and you know, whether you’re a guest or an employee, that you are going to be treated like nowhere else in our industry. It’s taking the genuine care and comfort of our guests to the highest level. That, to me, is the Ritz-Carlton experience.”

Maybe the best way to demonstrate the unique value proposition achieved by Ritz-Carlton is to offer an example from a family that happened upon empowered Ritz-Carlton staff. Natalie Salazar, age 12, was a champion figure skater who began noticing pain in her legs while preparing for a regional competition as a step toward the Olympics. While originally thinking it was joint inflammation, the condition was ultimately diagnosed as a type of cancer known as osteosarcoma. Her chemotherapy treatments were unsuccessful, and at age 13, Natalie was told she was going to die.

Her biggest regret was that she would never be able to go to her high school prom. Natalie’s eighth grade teacher, Mrs. Lewis, attended the same church as Laura Gutierrez, area director of human resources at The Ritz-Carlton, Dearborn, where Natalie’s story was told. Laura and the Ladies and Gentlemen at Ritz-Carlton rushed into action. Laura described Natalie’s special night:

“We hosted Natalie’s Prom in our ballroom, and it was attended by 18 classmates and 7 of her championship ice skating team members. Our audiovisual technician was the disk jockey, our IT technician was the photographer, our banquet director provided security, and everyone pitched in to make this an extra special event. Our convention service team put pin lights up and laid a dance floor, and our business center put together a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of the kids from kindergarten to eighth grade, complete with some drawings Natalie’s former kindergarten teacher had provided.”

Laura goes on to add that “our team hosted a grand prom complete with Prince Charming who guided her down the red carpet to Natalie’s favorite song ‘Sweet Escapes.’ There, she danced the night away with Prince Charming. What an emotional night for everyone. The best part was she smiled the entire night, she danced every dance, she ate all of her favorite foods (salami, cheese and vegetables, and lots of ice cream). She limboed, hula hooped, chicken danced, Hustled, and led the train around the room. Parents joined the celebration at 10:30 p.m. just before Prince Charming turned into a frog. The kids had so much fun they didn’t want the night to end. After a tearful good-bye, Princess Natalie was led to her waiting chariot for much-needed rest at home. She commented as she drove away, ‘Tomorrow I’m off to the hospital for some tests. I can’t wait to tell them all about this.’ And she did just that.”

According to Laura, “The buzz around the hotel was incredible. We were making a difference in a child’s life, and in the lives of her parents and teachers who for one full year had worried about Natalie, supported her, and cared for her.” Natalie’s father said, “We are immigrants to this country and have no family here. When Natalie became ill, we didn’t know what we would do. But Natalie’s teachers and friends and the staff at Ritz-Carlton became our family.” Natalie’s mother added, “I’ve been blessed with many friends, but I didn’t know there were such wonderful and caring hearts as we’ve found with everyone at Ritz-Carlton.”

Natalie was only 13 when she lost her battle on Thursday, September 20, 2007. The seamstress at Ritz-Carlton who had made Natalie’s prom dress also made the dress in which she was buried. In Natalie’s honor, Laura and the staff of Ritz-Carlton commemorated what would have been Natalie’s fourteenth birthday on October 22, 2007, complete with the cake Natalie had described to Laura the evening before her death. Laura continues to keep in touch with Natalie’s parents. While many other companies support members of their community, the Ritz-Carlton culture of service routinely delivers caring such as that provided to Natalie’s family.

So… how’s your company doing? Is its character the real deal or is it branding? Consider Matthew 7:17-18:

Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.
The New International Version

Moments like the one Michelli shares also help us answer the question. Thanks, Joseph, for the inspiration and challenge.

Whether you are seeking advice, having a discussion, or a heated debate, following a few simple rules will make these situations more productive and enable you to gain further knowledge and insights:

1. Simply listen. Unfortunately, most people who ask for advice don’t really want it. They want you to confirm a decision they already made. Go back to square one. Whatever discussion you are having, just simply listen. Do not listen for confirmation. Do not listen for incorrect facts. Do not listen for argument. Just listen.

In a discussion where there are conflicting views, this is even more important. If neither party is listening, it will be endless talk. Try to catch yourself and ask, “What am I listening for?” One tool you can use in conflicts is to “listen for agreement” and build the discussion from these points.

2. Be patient. Wait for the other person to finish before responding. This allows to you listen to everything and shows that you are just listening and not waiting for an entry point in the conversation. Of course there are situations and people that don’t always allow for this, but try it. If you’re dealing with a person who takes 20 minutes to explain a point that typically takes one minute, then just hope you have enough time in that day or politely leave the discussion.

3. Be focused. This is for your own benefit, and to show respect to your colleague, friend or the person on the street. Focus on the person’s words, meaning and intent, so you carry the conversation to an interesting or productive level.

Also, remember to maintain eye contact. This shows the other person that you’re focused and listening, and it helps you concentrate on the conversation.

4. Listen generously. Try to listen without biases or questioning intent. This allows for doors to open into new areas or topics. One example could be if a colleague that you typically know to be a goofball comes to you for serious advice. If you carry your biases about him across the board, then you might react to his inquiry as if it’s a joke and offend him.

If you encounter a bad intent that is repeated in the discussion (give the person at least one benefit of the doubt), then it’s a different story and you can politely walk away. An obvious offensive statement is another situation where you don’t have to be focused and can rightly question a person’s intent.

The biblical writer James wrote,

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
James 1:19-20, New International Version

Questions for Discussion

• How quick to listen would your business associates say you are? Do a quick 360º self-evaluation on that.
• Do the same self-evaluation on how “slow to speak” you are in various relationships.
• And, the same regarding how slow you are to become angry.
• What does this exercise tell you about your listening skills? Who would be able to check your perceptions about that?