I came across this article a decade ago, but I’ve carried it with me for all these years to remind myself how easily it can be as a husband and father to create a lie, a false legend over my own family. Sure, I might rationalize it as my responsibility to provide for my family, but in the end, a lie will always be exposed.  And if the lie is a major infrastructure support beam of a family, then the tragedy that ensues can be unimaginable.

David Whitford wrote this first hand account for FORTUNE magazine, entitled, “A Breadwinner’s Tale.” His dad died at home on Father’s Day at the age of 84.  Throughout his life his dad had been what Whitford called a “world class provider.”  He himself lived modestly, drove his cars for years and years. His focus, his sense of responsibility was to provide for his family. He managed to put five kids through college and four through graduate school.  They had “the big stone house with the tennis court, the European vacations, the club memberships…”   As Whitford confesses,

“Dad’s money was almost like tap water to me: never to be wasted but always available.”

And as Whitford’s mom thought,

“We’ve even reached the point where I can buy whatever I want, whatever I need, without even thinking about it.”

In the last year of his life, the lie began to unravel.  The children began to sense that something was seriously wrong.  But how do you confront your own father?  When they did, the results were predictably terrible – full of anger and tension.  However, in the end, he relented and they came to discover that he had been hiding an immense six-figure debt load, mostly on credit cards, that he had been carrying for years.  And now near the end of his life, he could no longer keep this house of cards together.

As Whitford painfully gets his dad’s estate in order after the funeral, he shares,

“This past fall I spent hours at my father’s desk, in his chair, going through his papers – his bank and brokerage statements, his correspondence, his journal.  While I dreaded what I might find, part of me was hoping for a clear-cut explanation, no matter how shocking or painful.  A mistress, maybe.  A gambling habit.  A fatal weakness for penny stocks.  Well, I found nothing sordid.  The only skeleton in my father’s closet was his astonishing debt.”

Whitford delves further into his own search to find out why his dad did this. Simultaneously angry and sympathetic, he writes,

“It’s clear to me now that our family’s standard of living, going back years, was partly a lie.  Dad made it look easy, but beneath the surface he was paddling like a maniac to keep his head above water.”

But the toll of keeping up the lie was worse than that.

“He had a Formica desktop in his office and he used to write all over it.  In pencil, mostly, in that shaky cramped hand of his.  Phone numbers, passwords, odd dollar amounts.  And this, which I found two days after he died: ‘Help me. I’m drowning.’”

Poignantly Whitford writes,

“Dad, we had no idea.  I wish you’d told us.”

As I’ve reflected on this article over the years, I’ve determined that as seriously as I take my responsibility to take care of my family, that I cannot build it on a lie.  Easy credit and debt do not have the structural integrity upon which to build a household.  It may provide the appearance of wealth, but that is all that it is … appearance, not substance.

Second, Whitford’s dad did not include his wife as a partner in the financial responsibilities of the household.  This is an error to avoid at all costs.  The accountability and the shared counsel can save you from a multitude of temptations and mistakes.

Third, there is nothing wrong with living within your means.  It’s a lesson that must be taught to children.  It is a good and responsible thing to teach your family to be content, to learn to save, to learn to earn.

Fourth, don’t live a lie to your family.  Authenticity and integrity are a better heritage to pass on than money.

Fifth, don’t believe the lie that if you don’t provide magnificently for your family that they will not respect or love you.

And lastly, here’s a troubling conclusion.  Whitford phoned Jacob Needleman, a philosophy professor at San Francisco State University, and the author of Money and the Meaning of Life.   After listening to Whitford’s story, Needleman, after a moment of silence, gently observed, “If I could say so, I think if you took anybody in this world, anybody who reads FORTUNE, and you scratched a little bit under the surface, in eight out of ten you’ll find something as startling and troubling and self-contradictory as your father’s story.”

Coach Don Nava is passionate about helping people achieve total fitness in all dimensions of life, and happens to be a friend of InsideWork®. For over 25 years Coach Nava has trained individuals and work teams toward high performance through wellness and fitness programs. He’s trained notable players such as Joe Montana, Ronnie Lott, and Jerry Rice and has designed programs for companies such as Nike, Cisco Systems, and ATT.

Does he practice what he preaches? On his 40th birthday he worked out for 40 consecutive hours to demonstrate the importance of fitness and healthy living. On his 50th birthday, he ran up and down 5000 bleachers at the Stanford University football stadium. He’s also the author of Fit After 40, which we recommend.

All this to say, when we received Coach Nava’s email this afternoon, we immediately asked him for permission to reprint it. (Thanks, Coach.) Take to heart what he says.

Hey Champion,

Across the country, Dr. Jerry Falwell was one of the most highly visible figures in both evangelical and political circles. He was a man with followers and foes alike. There is a wide spectrum of opinions about his work and legacy. But as a fitness coach, something in his death burdened me and gives us all cause to pause.

Dr. Falwell did not take very good care of his body. He had a history of heart problems and likely had died from cardiac arrhythmia, a heart rhythm abnormality that occurs without warning.

I believe his lack of self-care was the main reason why he passed away at 73 of heart failure. I feel he may have had many more years on Earth.

In light of his passing, Christians should stop and evaluate their personal health and lifestyle and make necessary behavior modifications so that they can live on earth as long as the Lord has intended. (Psalms 90:12 Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom)

We subtract from the days the Lord has given us if we make negative lifestyle choices.
— Coach Don Nava

We are unable to add to the days the Lord has for us on earth. However, we can surely subtract from them if we make negative lifestyle choices.

My motivation and intent in writing this is to encourage and not condemn. I pray that we would rely on God's grace and stop leaning on our willpower to create lasting change.

May you prayerfully consider necessary changes you need to make so that you can be an effective member of God's team on Earth — for all the days He has given you.
Psalms 39:4

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.

You Are A Champion.
Coach

So true. I can't add any more days to my life than what God has apportioned, but I can surely subtract from them. Sobering. Challenging.

The Retirement Confidence Survey by CNNMoney reports that nearly half of all workers have less than $25,000 in savings.

Consider this:

• 40% of respondents indicated they are not currently saving for retirement
• 34% indicated that they had no retirement savings
• 25% said they had no savings of any kind

If finances incapacitate us, how can we do the work that God has called us to do?

We have to change our mindset, our expectations, and our behaviors to adjust to the changing financial landscape of the United States. We live in a day when a pension and employer-paid health benefits in retirement are the exception. I’m very concerned for the people around me — I already see families in trouble even at a young age. They are barely surviving while the economy as a whole is doing fairly well, and it takes a toll on the family's finances, emotions, relationships, and health. I anticipate tougher times in the future — what will happen to them then?

I’m also concerned from the perspective of the Kingdom of God. If finances incapacitate us, how can we do the work that God has called us to do?

The survey also highlights other concerns that stem from the mindset of American workers. And these are things that the person can do something about if they will take the time to think, learn, and take action.

• Workers are slow to see or adapt to a changing U.S. retirement system
• Half of workers less confident about pension benefits
• Many workers counting on benefits that won’t be there
• Many workers unlikely to heed investment advice even if they get it
• Americans overestimate long-term care coverage, counting on coverage they don’t have
• Most savings levels are modest with 7 of 10 saying their assets total less than $10,000
• Continued ignorance about Social Security coverage.

There are things that we must do at the community level to help one another. But my focus here is to urge sound financial practice on the most basic level — my personal responsibility to my family. The days ahead could be tough, so this isn’t about saving for a comfortable dreamlike retirement, but about surviving, and being in a position to serve God and others. In the Old Testament, Joseph used the seven years of abundance to prepare Egypt for seven lean years, and in so doing rescued his family.

Three Behaviors That Damage Financial Responsibility

Some financial struggles are out of our control — disasters, health crises, job loss. But whatever your situation, don’t let the following three things keep you from being financially responsible.

1 Ignorance. There is so much information available and so many people that can help you. Don’t settle for not knowing how to budget, save, invest.

2 Excessive consumption. Get your material appetites under control. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that you “need” THINGS. It’s amazing how we can talk ourselves into thinking that we either deserve these THINGS or that it is really a better financial decision to have these things. C’mon!

3 Laziness. Nowhere have I seen the opposite of this than in Asian families who have immigrated to this country with nothing and within three generations are sending their kids to Stanford or Harvard. Heed the words in Proverbs 6:6-11 The Message:

You lazy fool, look at an ant.
Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do.
All summer it stores up food;
at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
poverty your permanent houseguest!

Read the CNNMoney article for some guidelines in thinking about what you need.

And take advantage of this calculator by Choose To Save. It provides you with a more detailed look at your projected needs than most basic retirement calculators. You can also interactively adjust various inputs to study the outcomes. It's a very helpful exercise to do with your spouse.

No matter how small, get started today…the earlier the better.

I guess I’m feeling my age. Gone are the bulletproof days of my youth when I could run as hard as I wanted, sleeping little, and eating anything I wanted. Middle age is catching up.

But beyond the extra weight and the aches and pains, I’ve noticed a curious phenomenon around me — people who don’t look their age. My wife,for example, looks years younger than her age. On the other hand, some people look and act much older than their age. (I was hoping to avoid the greeting a gentleman gave upon seeing an old friend, "I'll never live to be as old as you look!")

So I was very curious when I came across RealAge. The site has a free and very comprehensive RealAge Test that determines your “real age” versus your chronological age. It assesses a wide array of things — hereditary, situational, and behavioral — that affect how your body ages. The report also delivers a range of personally-tailored recommendations.

Remember what we’ve been told that our bodies are God’s temple, and that we need to take good care of it for His sake, our sake, and the sake of the people who depend on us. (Not to mention the cost to our economy due to preventable poor health.)

It turns out that I’m a year younger than my age…not especially good in my mind. Now I’m off for a session on the treadmill, a healthy meal, a glass of red wine, and quality time with my loved ones.

Take the RealAge Test: www.realage.com